We have completed our annual exercise in keeping hoodlums off the street by giving all kids candy. I have a few observations from this year's event, and the observations come with advice for parents.
1. I had many kids tell me the pieces of candy they wanted from my bowl. Parents, that's rude of your kids, and I'm likely to deny their request and give them the crappiest pieces I have. If they ask with a 'please', I may be of a different mind.
2. I have a rule. If you are old enough to dress slutty, you are too old to trick or treat. If you are young enough to trick or treat, you are too young to dress slutty. In previous years, the offenders were older girls who were well past their trick or treating years. This year, it was the reverse. Don't let your little girls dress like that, moms and dads. There are a lot of sick SOBs out there, and while you may be allowing your little one their wants, you aren't protecting them at all.
3. Don't send your 4 year old to my door with two bags because you have a six month old in the stroller. I know that six month old won't be eating candy.
4. If your child has a cumbersome mask or is still working on his or her fine motor skills, don't send them up the stairs to my porch without any help. If they fall, I'll feel bad, but I'll fight your lawsuit with much ferocity because you were too stupid to know your kid needed help.
5. Don't walk the kids down the street with a beer in your hand. I have enough respect for your kids not to drink on a football Sunday, so you need to have enough respect for them not to get a snootful while taking them out. (Exception: Houses that offer parents a quick drink. Everything in moderation).
6. Do not drive your kids house to house in a dense residential area. They can make the walk just fine, and given the volume of candy that will be given them, they probably should. And yes, your little prince or princess can handle wind and cold. The only exception to this rule that I can think of came in the very first year I handled the candy doling duties. That year, we got over 20 inches of snow between October 31 and November 1.
7. If you are two houses down and I shut off my light, you have my apologies, but I've run out of candy. Don't send your kids up to the door, please.