Monday, December 29, 2008

Ten Ways to Welcome 2009

Since economic pessimism is overwhelming, I've decided to offer up ten ways to welcome in the new year amongst this depressing climate. Enjoy.

10. Count down your 401K.

9. As the clock strikes midnight, kiss the spouse you can't afford to divorce.

8. Instead of popping the bubbly, pop an economic bubble.

7. Go to Times Square. Avoid giving money to homeless hedge fund managers.

6. Take your beloved out to a nice, cozy dinner. New Year's Eve is a night to throw caution to the wind, so supersize it.

5. New Year's Eve is a very romantic night to get engaged. As a rule, the ring should cost two months' wages, so take your fifty cents to the quarter machine in the Kmart lobby...

4. Avoid the amateurs and stay in. Most shelters will tune in Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve on the community television if you ask nicely.

3. Ring in the new year with a romantic fire. The steel 55 gallon drum will also radiate heat to keep you warm.

2. Dance the night away. It is said that stripping is recession-proof, and you'll need the money.

1. Fire a gun in the air at midnight. At least in prison, you'll get three squares a day.

1 comment:

Blogger said...

I've just installed iStripper, and now I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my taskbar.