Monday, November 24, 2008

Santa Claus Requests Bailout

North Pole- In a press conference today, jolly gift giver Santa Claus told the press that without a bailout from U.S. Federal government, dire consequences would follow for Christmas.

"Ho ho hum. Times are hard here at the North Pole. I've had to take on considerable debts to acquire the electronic gifts that today's children desire. With the tight credit markets, this Christmas might not happen.

"I also face the prospect of laying off half my elves, quite literally throwing them out in the cold on their tiny little asses.

"I implore the U.S. Government to save Christmas."

Critics are already on record against the Claus bailout. Citing the exorbitant wages and benefits the Elven Toy Workers Union have extracted from the North Pole, they say Claus would be better served filing for bankruptcy.

Critics also point out Claus's failure to modernize his shops. The North Pole still largely produces wooden toys and simple dolls, toys that today's market of children find passe and old fashioned. Claus's booming debt has in part been occurred by purchasing modern toys at retail. Compounding matters is the fact that much of that debt has been compiled on a weary, high interest Citi Card.

Some in Congress are already questioning the cost effectiveness of Claus's use of a private sleigh on Christmas Eve. They want Claus to switch his package delivery to the U.S. Postal Service. But some on the Hill are quickly lining up on Claus's behalf. Stating the rolling effect a Claus bankruptcy would have on the rest of the economy, they have called Claus, "Too big to fail." And after all, this one would be for the children.

No comments: