You had to be there

Wednesday, May 4th was International Respect for Chickens Day. When I found out, I laughed out loud, and I'm going to relay why, even though it won't be half as funny for all of you as it is for me.

On May 3, 2003, the lovely Mrs. Jib and I got married. At that time we lived in a "culturally diverse" apartment complex smack dab in the middle of a town of 12,000. On May 4th we had our gift opening. As everyone dragged their sorry, hung over heinies up to our apartment, my dad noticed a rooster crowing. It was a very unusual sound for the middle of town. My uncle, my dad, and I went out to investigate, and we discovered the crowing was coming from the garage next to ours. We Jibs are very logical folk, and after a quick powwow, we figured that our neighbors were preparing to have a fresh meal for Cinco de Mayo the next day. I named the rooster Chuck, knowing full well that Chuck was not long for this world. Sure enough, at dusk the world was deprived of Chuck's majestic voice. Each year on May fourth, I think of that damned rooster. Now I learn that the poor bastard gave his life for a Mexican feast on the day designated to "Show the world that chickens are people too!" and I can't help but bow my head, snicker, and then honor Chuck with a little "cuck-a-doodle-doo!"

Inside the Blogger's Studio

Kris at Dummocrats is answering the Inside the Actor's Studio 10 questions in honor of their author Bernard Pivot's 70th birthday. I normally don't partake in these, but this one sounds fun.

1. What is your favorite word?
vacuous

2. What is your least favorite word?
nutcracker

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally?
A slight fatigue and 3 beers

4. What turns you off?
12 beers

5. What is your favorite curse word?
friggin'

6. What sound or noise do you love?
Rain on the roof as I fall asleep

7. What sound or noise do you hate?
A clap of thunder right before my tee time

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Professional beer league softball

9. What profession would you not like to do?
Deep Tunnel sewage diver

10. If heavan exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Welcome Jib, we've been waiting for you. The game is on, and there's cold Leinie's in the fridge.

New study: Less polution=greater global warming

You just can't win with the global warming worshippers. Mankind is damned to fry if it does, and damned to fry if it doesn't. Take this article at Nature.com. We are told that air is getting cleaner, and, you guessed it, that means that we'll have more global warming because more sunlight will get through the atmosphere. It seems to me that I read recently that global dimming was alive and well, and that this was bad because it meant more clouds were in our skies, trapping in more heat. Now I'm supposed to believe that the reduction of dimming due to clearer skies means we're going to have more global warming. Which is it?

So my question is-does this mean that I can save the earth by removing my catalytic converter and muffler?

We need a national civics course

Why do people think that the First Amendment extends to private business? I ask because of this Newsweek story on Starbucks backing away from selling Bruce Springsteen's new album because of a raunchy lyric. Everything ticks along fine until this paragraph near the end of the article:

Still, it remains to be seen whether the caffeine-beverage giant’s move becomes another stimulant for First Amendment advocates and others con­cerned about free-speech rights. In recent years, Wal-Mart, the world’s largest retailer, has come under frequent criticism for what detractors believe is censorship involving books, CDs, books and other packaged me­dia

Ugh. Businesses do not owe anyone a right to free speech. It may make good business sense, but the First Amendment does not mandate it. The Bill of Rights only applies to government! Get it right, please.

6-5 Brewers victory in the bottom of the 9th

These guys are starting to remind me of the 1987 Brewers a little bit. For those of you who remember, the '87 Crew would thrill you and crush you about two dozen separate times over the course of the season.

Sharper on Favre

Have I mentioned that I'm not going to miss Darren Sharper in Green Bay? Sharper responded yesterday to Favre's comments on Javon Walker:

"They don't carry any weight right now because Javon Walker is a Pro Bowl player and he's going to do what he wants to do. He is not in Javon's shoes right now. Javon should not pay attention to his comments at all."
---
"What's going on with the minicamps and whether or not Javon's there - Brett wasn't at minicamp so it really doesn't make a difference who is there," said Sharper. "He wasn't there, so he shouldn't have anything to say about Javon not being there."
---
"Brett shouldn't have anything to say about that," Sharper said. "I have the utmost respect for Brett and what he feels as far as guys on his team but when it comes to contract situations, those are personal matters. Brett should not have anything to say about that. It has nothing to do with him."

Unlike most people who think the Packers defensive troubles have been talent issues, I think that the problem has been a defensive unit made up of selfish players that led the unit to act as 11 individuals instead one unit. The rise of selfishness and individualality on that unit became a problem after Leroy Butler retired and Sharper became the leader of the defense. Favre had every right to stick his nose into this because Walker's hold out with 2 years left on his contract hurts the team. Favre knows this, and he is a guy who puts the team above the individual. I can't say the same for Sharper.

Is this 1989?

I was reading the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel's forum on what the new mascot should be for the Marquette Gold, and as I was scrolling down, I noticed this entry:

A Dead Walleye

- Willie Wampum, Miliwakie, WI

I know the Journal Sentinel must moderate that board, which is why I'm more than a little surprised that this post made it up there. This post sent a chill down my spine because I can remember what Northern Wisconsin was like during the spear fishing controversy of the late 1980's and early 1990's, and "A Dead Walleye" brought back some unpleasant memories. I'll be the first to admit that I am not going to side with my Republican bretheren on a number of Native American issues, but I hope that many of you can realize that this suggestion is utterly crass and usually comes out of the mouths of people who back in 1980's and 1990's chanted things like "Save a walleye, spear a squaw" and "Timber Niggers". I'm going to guess that whoever is responsible for that board is ignorant of that ugly piece of Wisconsin history, but I hope that someone over there catches on an yanks that statement.

If you feel you must debate me on this, the comments are open, but be warned: You are not going to win.

No respect

I'm noticing a number of bloggers complaining about their laptops lately. Most of them are using Dells or Toshibas. I have a nifty, extremely light Dell laptop for work, but I don't think I'd trade it for my heavier, older eMachines M5105. Outside of two poorly constructed hinge covers, I haven't had one problem with the machine in the year and a half I've had it, and it has received heavy use. I know eMachines isn't a "cool" brand, but this baby has been a heck of a trooper. I think it's time to pay the Gateway/eMachines brands a little respect.

Barry Bonds undergoes third knee surgery

Am I the only one who thinks that Barry Bonds' knee story is starting to smell? The Giants aren't even updating his health status anymore. The news of this third surgery was broken on Bonds' website. I'm fully expecting Bonds to eventually come back about 30 pounds lighter and at least a full step slower, and he's going to be blaming it on the knee. If so, the knee will prove to be a cleverly crafted scapegoat.

Loew's to advertise actual movie start time

I know that a lot of people are cheering Loew's decision to advertise the time their movies start instead of when the previews start. I am not one of them. Perhaps my top pet peeve is poor movie theater etiquette. I loathe people crawling over me after a movie has already started. Now there are going to be twice as many people doing just that, because some people are physically incapable of showing up to anything on time. Don't believe me? Next time you go to a popular movie at a non-Loew's theater, count how many people show up during the previews. Once this advertised start time change takes place in more theaters, 4 out of 5 of them will be showing up after the start of the film. I'll be the guy chucking Gobstoppers at them.

Batting practice for kids-faster pitches are better

Interesting. A new study says that when you are pitching to kids, slow pitches seem to be stationary. If you throw faster, their brains can actually comprehend the motion better.

Hmm. This is disturbing. After several practices of tossing batting practice to my little leaguers, I've become convinced that they'll get no hit this year. Maybe I should listen to that devious little voice in the back of my head. Throw 'em the heater, Jibby!

Prime Time Live & American Idol

This special would've been much more interesting if it had been Simon diddling Corey Clark

Nostalgia for a rusty old stadium

I love this pic. TerraServer, Microsoft's head start on Google in the satellite photography field, actually allows you to zoom into much of Milwaukee. This picture was taken while County Stadium was still around, and Miller Park was still taking shape.

A business promoting prayer

I apologize for the quality of this picture, but all I had was a cheap little digital cam I keep on me for those quick must catch shots. As I drove home from work today, I noticed this business had a huge National Day of Prayer Banner up. It is rare these days of Holiday sales to see a business so openly embrace religion.

For the lovely Mrs. Jib

A few months ago, a co-worker of mine picked up a picture frame on my desk, and this is the conversation that ensued:

"Is this your wife?"

"Yeah, it is."

"You married above your pay grade."

It was funny but true. Nine and a half years ago, I met the woman that I would soon want to spend the rest of my life with. Now, you couldn't have convinced me of that after our first meeting. As it turned out, neither one of us really liked one another at first. But we quickly became friends, which even more quickly turned into a courtship that was longer than most Hollywood marriages. Today I have the pleasure of thanking the lovely Mrs. Jib for taking pity on me and standing at my side all of these years, and for taking my hand in marriage two years ago today, making me the happiest man on the face of the earth.

Here's to the wonderful two years that have been, babe, and to the 50 or 60 yet ahead. I love you.

Say it ain't so--Tom House?

Former pitcher Tom House has come out and said that he was using steroids during his career in the late 60's and early 70's. Frankly, it doesn't surprise me, even though baseball's official position has been that steroid use didn't become common until the mid to late 90's. Baseball players have been using their bodies as toxic waste sites for almost as long as there has been baseball. Alcohol has been the most common chemical, but during that period of House's career, the stigma attach to all types of drug use in society was pretty low, so it makes sense that ball players experimented in much the same way that the rest of American society did. Think of cocaine's hayday in the 1980's-it was mirrored by a coke scandal in baseball that sidelined player's like Paul Molitor.

I'm just thankful that it was Tom House that admitted this. I read it wrong at first and thought it was former great Paul Householder. My goodness, if I found out Householder had been on steroids, it would have ruined my trust in Baseball's record books.

Will wonders never cease?

I think my backyard gave Mrs. Jib and I an anniversary gift. No, I haven't tipped back one too many bottles of Leinie's tonight. A portion of our backyard is fenced in, and along the top of the fence are electric lights that are very similar to the solar landscape lights by Malibu, only they are brighter and give off a white rather than amber light. Our living room looks out onto this fenced in area, and one night about 3 weeks ago, Mrs. Jib noticed that the two lights to the left of our gate weren't on. So she sent me out to replace bulbs. The thing is, it wasn't the bulbs. There was no electricity going to these two lights. So I headed back inside and told her I'd look at it another day.

At this point, I need to give you all a little background information. Despite the slander Mrs. Jib likes to spread about me, I am quite handy. I'm willing to tackle just about any project around the house, especially if I can read up on it first. But electricity frightens me. I mean really frightens me-to the point that I'll curl up and suck on my thumb if pressed hard enough to work with it. It all goes back to the great ice cube nightlight debacle of 1990. In a class that year we were studying electricity, and one of our projects was to build the circuitry for our very own nightlight. We then suspended it in an ice cube tray, and a clear resin was poured in. Once it hardened, we had nightlights that supposedly were safe and long lasting. My Dad, who was the original slanderer of me, refused to let me use it, claiming that any handywork of mine was a fire hazard. See, he feared fire as much as I fear electricity now (and I'm still trying to figure out what stupid thing he did). So one night I snuck it out of his night stand drawer in order to see my handywork in action. I went into my bedroom and plugged it in. After a few moments of beaming over the greatest nightlight ever, I became underwhelmed by the whole thing and went to unplug it. The resin was a little greasy on its surface, though, and as I unplugged it, my finger slid off the resin to the metal prong-which was still plugged in. Fortunately, I did this as I was unplugging it, and the momentum of my hand cleared me of the jolt rather quickly. Still, I saw my short lifetime pass before my eyes (and oddly enough, visions of Wilson Phillips-well, Chynna and Wendy). After a stunned second, I had my first experience with the curl up and cry thing.

So I now have an unhealthy fear of electricity. But I love my wife very much, and she really wanted those two damn lights to work again. So every other day or so, I'd go out, jiggle the wires a bit, and then declare the case hopeless. Mrs. Jib has a short memory on things like this, though, so I've declared it a lost cause a lot. I had the problem narrowed down to a short, because the lights on the right side of the gate came off of the same power source, and they still worked. Everytime I thought about peeling back the electrical tape where the power split, though, I'd poo myself a little bit. It was getting to the point where I knew I'd have to disappoint Mrs. Jib and admit to her all of what I just admitted to all of you, or I'd have to resign myself to my fate and just do it, double checking my life insurance policy first. Then it happened.

I started to turn everything off downstairs tonight so I could head to bed. As I looked out the patio door, I gazed upon a miracle-the lights were back on, all by themselves. Mrs. Jib works third shift, and when she left for work tonight, they were not on. So I am standing by my story that this is our little 2nd anniversary miracle.

I did blow one thing, though. Instead of making up some story about how I had discovered the solution to our problem, I called Mrs. Jib, all giddy to tell her that the lights came back on all by themselves. A wise man would have made himself look good. As for me, I'm just glad I won't be pooing myself anymore.

Abandoned groom still wants to wed runaway bride

Glutton for punishment, or a better man than I? John Mason on marrying his runaway bride:

"Just because we haven't walked down the aisle, just because we haven't stood in front of 500 people and said our I Do's, my commitment before God to her was the day I bought that ring and put it on her finger, and I'm not backing down from that."

Maybe I'm just a little more skittish about things like my bride to be claiming to be abducted in order to avoid the wedding, but I think I'd be examining the nature of our relationship before jumping back in with the sharks. His fiance set a scary precedent here, and he hasn't taken his vows before God yet, no matter what he says. What happens in 5 or 7 years when she freaks out because she has two kids and feels marriage is a giant weight around her neck? Does he think she'll have the strength to pull through something like that, or any of the challenges that married couples face? Sometimes that which seems like benevolence is really gluttony for punshment. But then again, maybe he is just a better person than I, and she should be very thankful for him.

The babe, the heart throb, and the guns that brought them together

I find the irony here absolutely delicious. Here we have two of Hollywood's liberal elite, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. And in a Vanity Fair article, Jolie admits that guns built trust between the two:

"You had to trust each other to cross under or over and only move when the other person moves, so the trust, when somebody's got a loaded gun at your back ... it made us trust each other quickly."

I'm not going to try to tell you that there is some larger Second Ammendment point to be made here-there isn't one. I'm just hoping you'll lean back and bask in the irony with me.

Maddening DSL

After work tonight I had to make a 35 minute drive to take pictures with my Little League team. After standing out in the cold for another 35 minutes, I had two stops to make before heading home, where I had missed dinner (I'd told the lovely Mrs. Jib that I'd be home at a certain time and I wasn't). After all that, all I wanted was slide into my recliner and blog. But wait! As happens periodically and with no notice, my internet connection was gone. There is a certain process to go through when this happens. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Tonight it didn't. So after an hour and a half of futzing, doing steps out of order, failing, and trying new orders, the connection comes back like a runaway dog who got tired of it's adventure-"Here I am! Love me, love me!" And like the dup I am for dogs, I give the connection the love, even though it has maddened me for an hour and a half. I feel so cheap.