(Satire)
A collection of family and friends of Westerners killed by Islamic militants asked Islamic clerics to apologize for the beheadings of their loved ones on Tuesday.
Since 2002, numerous Westerners have been taken hostage and murdered in the name of Allah.
"The clerics have been saying that they do not condone these actions. We want them to prove this to us by apologizing for allowing the beheadings to occur and to hold the murderers accountable for their actions," said John Smith, a spokesman for the families.
When asked by reporters how this compared to the abuse of Korans by Americans at Guantanamo, Smith said that it is common knowledge that the only reason Americans abuse the Koran is in response to the oppresive ways of Islamic militants.
"Americans sometimes kick Korans, accidentally splatter them with urine, and touch the books without gloved hands because they are acting out towards the oppressive and murderous ways of militant Islam. They cannot be held responsible for this. If these militants were more conciliatory towards and understanding of Americans and less murderous, things like this wouldn't happen. In fact, there wouldn't be war or prisons like Guantanamo."
U.S. families tend to hold loved ones in high regard and resent it when they are brutally murdered, especially when done on videotape.
(The above was satire, but more in the irony sense and less in the witty sense)
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