Monday, August 30, 2010


Does it make me enlightened or a homophobe because I couldn't give a rat's ass that Ken Mehlmen is gay?

Friday, August 27, 2010

Church v. Strippers

An interesting story:

The strippers, fueled by Cheetos and nicotine, are protesting a fundamentalist Christian church whose Bible-brandishing congregants have picketed the club where they work. The dancers roll up with signs carrying messages adapted from Scripture, such as "Do unto others as you would have done unto you," to counter church members who for four years have photographed license plates of patrons and asked them if their mothers and wives know their whereabouts.

There is a "He is risen. He is risen indeed" joke in here somewhere, but I'm too damn classy to make it.

Plants Scream

What will vegans do now?!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Call Me Karnak

I'd just like to point out that on June 24th I predicted the next food we'd be in attack mood mode on would be eggs.

Barber Shop Politics

I loathe talking politics in a barber shop. The second of my three life long barbers had a cartoon up in his shop that warned against it lest you find yourself with a horrific hair cut. Having said that, there is nothing I love more than listening to politics in a barber shop, and here's what I learned during my most recent hair cut:

1. Mr. Average, unaffiliated voter is sharper than I'd have given him credit for, but he still doesn't know how he'll vote on election day.

2. In Wisconsin, the accusations that Gubernatorial candidate Tom Barret has done nothing to fix MMSD despite his mayoral campaign promises has gained traction. Examples of promises with no action does not play well this election cycle.

3. People in certain parts of the state know businessman and Gubernatorial candidate Mark Neumann ... for building "crummy houses."

4. Candidates cannot run on the spirit of '94. Voters are wise to the fact that getting an elective body to agree to things like term limits is a pipe dream.

5. Obama is still poisonous politically.

Oh, and one more:

6. Much like voters are wise to the dubious spirit of '94, they are also wise to the homespun candidacy of Russ Feingold.

Deregulate the Hit By Pitch!

It never fails. Every summer, the bean ball becomes the talk of the nation. Some will argue that the league should do more to punish and prevent pitchers from hitting batters. Others will argue that pitcher has a right to the inside corner of the plate, and that they have the right to move hitters who crowd the plate off of it. Finally, there is a solution: Deregulate the Hit By Pitch!

Here's how it will work. First, Major League Baseball will ammend one of the most basic rules of the game. When a batter gets hit by a pitch, they will no longer be awarded first base. Instead, the pitch will be called a ball and the ball will remain live, meaning that runners may advance at their own will/peril if a pitch that hits a batter gets by the catcher. Pitchers may not be thrown out of a game for hitting a batter.

This is only half of the deregulation, however. After being beaned, a hitter may charge the mound without being thrown out of the game as long as he does not bring any weapons with him (ie, the bat). Teammates may not join the mano-y-mano duel, however, or they will risk being thrown out of the game and/or suspended. Strategically, however, this does not mean that a hitter can charge the mound with impunity. Leaving the batting area will result in a dead ball that will prevent runners from advancing.

Other current rules will remain in place. A hitter must make some attempt to avoid being hit, or at least not actively attempt to be hit, by a pitch. Any pitch that hits a part of the batter's body that is in the strike zone shall be called a strike and the at bat will continue.

Instead of teams and players only worrying about suspensions, the onus would now be on the individuals and their concern for their own well being. Hit Prince Fielder, and you may get beaten to a pulp with no help from teammates to get you out of it. Crowd the plate and anticipate a fastball in the ribs with no real reward. Once there are immediate and painful repercussions for the individual, the beanball wars will aleviate.