The EPA announced today that it was imposing huge penalties against Pele, the Hawaiian volcano goddess who resides at Kilauea.
After a new study by the Hawaiian chapter of the American Lung Association found that Kilauea was the nations number one sulfur dioxide polluter. The study also found that Kilauea dumps dangerous hydrochloric acid into the Pacific Ocean.
The EPA announced it will fine Pele $10 million a day until she either ceases and desists the emissions at Kilauea or until she installs scrubbers and filters on the volcano, which is the major contributor to Hawaiian vog (volcanic smog). They will also force Pele to pay for and carry out the environmental clean up program.
Pele could not be reached for comment on the article.
(This satire was full of hot air)
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