The two word's that can never, ever be said again

At least not with a straight face: Wide stance. And may God help all those switch hitter's out there with a wide stance-right, Mr. Jones?

(If ya need an explanation, Chipper Jones is a switch hitter. And he kind of has a wide stance. And his teammate is apparently a future Senator from Idaho.)

Metal bats still a no-no in NYC

And this is still one of the dumbest things I've ever heard of.

A federal judge this week upheld a New York City Council-sponsored ban on metal baseball bats in high school games – even after admitting that zero empirical evidence exists to show that such bats are dangerous. The coalition of manufacturers that has gotten rich off the high-end aluminum bat market fought the ban, set to start Saturday, with a full public relations assault, hiring President Bush's former spokesman, Ari Fleischer, as its lead flack.

And less than 200 miles up Interstate 95, in Providence, R.I., a man wondered why politicians have wasted hundreds of hours and businessmen hundreds of thousands of dollars on an issue he says he could settle definitively for only $50,000.

Metal bats in and of themselves are not hazards. The New York baseball leagues could very easily have regulated metal bats in the same way that ASA regulates softball bats to ensure that potentially dangerous bats are not used. But this does beg a question: If a wood batter shatters and ends up severely injuring or killing a kid, will it be the New York City council's fault?

More Ghosts of Anbar

Here's Part II and Part III. Go read them.

The good news is that nobody ate it

The bad news is a German man lost part of his head to a bad fridge.

A German court has awarded 3,000 euros ($4,100) in damages to a man who had to have the top of his skull replaced with plastic because of a faulty hospital fridge.

Doctors removed the top of the man's head and put it in cold storage while they operated on his brain, the court in the western city of Koblenz said Tuesday.

Because the refrigerator was defective, the section of skull was not kept cool enough and could not be reattached. Doctors replaced the bone with a plastic prosthesis.

I've worked in offices where people would graze on just about anything in the fridge that wasn't there's. At least the surgeons didn't walk in to find the OBGYN gnawing on the piece of head.

Something doesn't add up here...

The Washington Post has a story up on a guy who just sold a huge porn collection to a museum. Of all the things in the article to stick out to me, it was these two sentences:

In 1976, his wife left him, taking their 2-year-old, Amanda.

And

"I suppose I could be offended as a woman, but I don't have a problem with pornography," says Amanda Whittington, 28, who works as a portfolio accountant for T. Rowe Price while studying for an MBA at Johns Hopkins.

Either the reporter can't add or he just exposed Miss Whittington's fib about her age to an international audience.

Most disturbing headline of 2007

Sex Quenches Thirst of Female Beetles.

And yes, it is a literal headline.

Bye bye Alberto

I have not yet opined on today's Alberto Gonzalez resignation, and I doubt that I will opine much about it after this post. Why? Well, because it doesn't mean a whole heck of a lot. The Bush Administration is into the lame duck portion of the presidential term. Resignations are normal for the this time frame, and replacements are not likely to stay in their positions long enough to make very much difference. On top of that, Gonzalez was not a choice that a lot of us were ever terribly excited about. Time to turn the page on Gonzalez, finish this chapter of American history, and see what the next chapter holds for us all.

Scenes from a soggy August

It has been a very wet week and a half here in our corner of South Central Wisconsin. We certainly haven't had flooding to the extent that some other parts of the state have but I thought I'd share a few pics of the flooding that we do have in low lying areas near rivers. These photos are not unheard of scenes around here, but they are unusual for this time of the year.

A question for my aviator readers

Last night the lovely Mrs. Jib and I were out on our deck enjoying a fire. At one point, I was watching a propellered plane of some sort flying over head at, if I had to guess, about 2,500 feet or so. As it got directly over us, the engine went silent, and that was immediately followed by a loud pop. We were both somewhat alarmed as we never heard the engine start back up as the plane left our sight line because of our trees. Does anyone out there know what might have happened in the air above us last night? I see no news reports of any crashes, so I'm guessing the pilot handled the situation, if there was a situation.

I almost wonder if the pilot made an emergency landing at the local airport a couple of miles from us because about 5 or 10 minutes later, another plane flew very low over our house towards the airport. It was unusual for two reasons. First, we don't typically see planes that low over our house despite the airport. Second, the engine sounded more like a diesel engine for a class 8 truck than a plane. If anyone can toss in their two cents on the unusual sights in out sky last night, I'd appreciate it.

Your 2008 People Magazine Co-Sexiest Men Alive

Well, they will be according to this study, right? And single guys out there, next time you see the woman of your desires with some pretty boy, know that there is still hope if you're gettin' cavey wit' it.

Shaw: Today, We're All Michael Vick

Russell Shaw is probably the number one reason I stopped reading the Huffington Post. The man's logic is either painfully contorted or painfully simplistic. It was only appropriate that when I dropped by the HuffPo tonight, his was the first post I read. As usual, Shaw's logic fails. He fails to get his nut in one lede paragraph, so I'll be forced to fisk him a bit even though I'd prefer not to waste that much time.

I spent one of my boyhood summers on a farm where chickens were raised for their eggs.

But I will never forget how, one day, the farmer decided that one of his chickens would make a perfect dinner.

He chased a chicken down, grabbed it by the scruff of the neck and after about 30 seconds of loud death cries from the poor bird...there was no more life.

30 seconds? What did the farmer do, read Russell's early writings until the chicken died? The poor bird can be killed in the time it takes an ax to pass through its neck. And as far as sustenance goes, I'll no more apologize for the killing of animals for food than the fox that would have enjoyed that chicken just as much.

Apparently now-former NFL star Michael Vick is going to serve time on that dogfighting rap. You know, forceably kill pit bulls that he and his friends decided weren't mean enough to excel at that disgusting non-sport.

Vick's accomplices said the dogs were dispatched by means that could only be described as highly barbaric. Shooting, electrocution, even repeatedly hurling one dog to the ground until it breathed no more.

But as a society, we should not be so quick to condemn Vick and his friends without looking in the mirror.

Not being a vegetarian, I'd like to shine the mirror not on our eating habits, but the way so many of us hunt and select live beings for slaughter. To me, there is a profound difference.

This very weekend, numerous "game ranches" will host high net-worth, highly ammo'ed "hunters" who will track jungle cats and other exotic creatures down, and kill them for sport.

I can't say that I'm a fan of killing animals purely for sport. I can assure you that a high powered round is going to bring death far more quickly than will come to the loser of a dog fight, however. And just to humanize it, I'll take a high powered round for my own death than being thrown on the ground until I stop breathing, thank you very much.

Probably as I type this, greyhounds whose "entertainment" racing days are behind them and have not been adopted will be given a "mercy" killing. No, they won't be flailed to the ground until their skulls are crushed, but the "mercy" killings will leave them just as dead as the canines in Vick's "kennels."

Come to think of it, what about the animal shelter who cannot place the stray dogs in their custody? Is the gas chamber or fatal injection any more "humane" than what Michael Vick and his posse are accused of doing?

As opposed to starvation? Yes, it is. Or shall we just contribute all of the unwanted dogs and cats that society cannot care for to fights to the death? I guess that would be just as humane as putting the animals to sleep by Shaw's logic, right?

This weekend, much of our recreational countryside will be killing fields for deer and airborne game dispatched by hunters with telescopic sights. As these creatures experience a nanosecond of pain while their life ebbs away, they may just feel a type of fear and dread similar to the dogs that Vick and his companions are believed to have killed.

I have two issues here. First, we return to the sustenance discussion. The creatures he describes here are almost exclusively killed for food. There is a purpose to their death and it is a natural part of the existence of all creatures on this earth. Second, the comparison is nearly idiotic. What Shaw discusses in this paragraph is a predator-prey scenario that those creatures would face even if man did not exist. What we have in the Vick scenario is domesticated animals-in other words, animals man has a certain amount of responsibility for-being set against one another for no other purpose than to savage each other until one is injured and the other dead. In this guy's moral book, there is a big damn difference.

If Shaw wants to get in bed with dog fighting and defend Michael Vick, he should come right out and do so because his moral equivalence is lazy and disgusting.

Could LED police car lights be a hazard?

I don't have the answer to that question, but I wonder about it every time I pass those lights at night. Patrick is correct in this post when he says that drivers must slow down and move over when they see officers on the side of the road. Deputy Tim Johnson would not have been severely injured and his brother Deputy Kevin Johnson would not have been endangered if people followed Patrick's advice and obeyed the law. Just the same, I know from experience that those LED lights wreak havoc on your night vision. They are also somewhat mesmerizing. If you combine those two things with a driver that is either extremely fatigued or, worse yet, drunk, and I can see those LEDs drawing erratic drivers like moths to a yard light. I know that the lights are designed to improve the visibility of squad cars, but I have developed a concern that in certain situations, they may actually increase the danger officers are in during roadside traffic stops.

Most obvious statement of the year

The winning portion of the sentence is italicized.

A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

I don't even know where to start. Well, I guess I do. I'd say that anytime someone thinks it is a good idea to stick a vacuum hose on their kibble or bits, it is safe to say the act has already gone awry. Add wet super glue to situation, and horrible just might be an apt describer.

There's a lesson in this, kids: Don't do stupid things.

Power outage musings

We have thunderstorms tracking over us this afternoon and a little while ago they caused a power outage. Here were my immediate thoughts as the TV went off:

*Where do I have the flashlights and emergency radio/TV?
*Sh*t, I haven't purchased batteries in a long time.
*I won't be able to open the fridge until the power comes back. Should I grab a couple of beers while it is still cold?
*Yes, I should.
*Okay, the flashlights and stuff are in the basement...where it is completely dark. Good planning, smart guy.
*(Standing in the basement) If the power stays off, should I break into the disaster wine supply (aka wine cellar) down here?
*Dammit, I need to fix these stairs. They're more dangerous than a storm.
*(Back upstairs) Ya know, if you still had dial up you could be online blogging this on the laptop.

You'll all be happy to hear the power outage only lasted 5 minutes. The disaster wine supply is safe and the beer is still cold.

Do the moose not love the planet?

Gaia must be very disappointed with all of her creatures:

Norway is concerned that its national animal, the moose, is harming the climate by emitting an estimated 2,100 kilos of carbon dioxide a year through its belching and farting.

Norwegian newspapers, citing research from Norway's technical university, said a motorist would have to drive 13,000 kilometers in a car to emit as much CO2 as a moose does in a year.

Maybe we can fit them with cowtalytic converters?

Pointless study of the week: Cats have short memories

Ten minutes, they say:

A new study has measured just low long cats can remember certain kinds of information—10 minutes.

The research was designed primarily to compare cats' working memory of their recent movements with their visual memories, and found that cats remember better with their bodies than their eyes when they have encountered an object placed in their path by say, an annoying owner or experimenter.

I'm not so sure about their study. I think I can definitively prove that they have microscopically short attention spans. My laser pointer has proven to be the most useful tool to get our cat to stop doing something (I believe every new kitten should come with a free laser pointer). If you have ever disciplined a cat, however, then you know that they have a long, long memory and a vindictive spirit. "Certain kinds of information" would have to be the key phrase, here.

The must read of 2008: Michael Yon's "The Ghosts of Anbar"

I'm not even going to bother summarizing. Just go read Part I right now.

Weather warnings to change

When things get stormy next summer, it'll be hopefully a lot less confusing when the National Weather Service issues a warning as they are moving from county based warnings to storm based warnings on October 1.

Storm-Based Warnings (threat-based polygon warnings), are essential to effectively warn for severe weather. Storm-Based Warnings show the specific meteorological or hydrological threat area and are not restricted to geopolitical boundaries. By focusing on the true threat area, warning polygons will improve NWS warning accuracy and quality. Storm-Based Warnings will promote improved graphical warning displays, and in partnership with the private sector, support a wider warning distribution through cell phone alerts, pagers, web-enabled Personal Data Assistants (PDA), etc.

I say hopefully less confusing because people will no longer have to wonder if a warning applies to their part of the county, plus the warnings will be more specific, but there is one thing I'm curious about. How will this work with radio where graphical displays are not possible? A lot of people get their warnings from the radio, and this seems like it just may be more confusing, especially for people unfamiliar with the area they are in.

The musty great outdoors

Storms are in the process of blowing through southern Wisconsin tonight, and it looks like we'll have another couple of days of rain on top of the last several days of rain we've had. I look forward to things drying out if only because my backyard smells like a basement. This has really been a tale of two summers. As of three weeks ago, the grass was so dry that a person could hear it crunch while walking on it. Since then it has been a rain forest around here. Global warming is clearly to blame.

History Channel highlights 9/11 kook theories

I am very disappointed by the History Channel. In reality, nothing that a channel that runs a lot of shows on UFO's should surprise or disappoint me, but just the same, their show 9/11 Conspiracies-Fact or Fiction does disappoint me. They are only furthering the nutty theories that a small number of kooks have perpetrated on any number of naive Americans. As a result, we're going to spend even more wasted time and dollars addressing these conspiracy theories for years to come.

I'll shoot down all of the U.S. Government conspiracies right now in one fell swoop for any of you believers out there. The U.S. Government is significantly incompetent, and thus incapable of keeping any major, publicly significant secrets. If Pearl Harbor or JFK or 9/11 were conspiracies, some insider would have sold their story for millions. Not only would it make them fabulously rich to tell the whole story, it would also be the best way to ensure their safety. It hasn't happened, not because of any threats to their safety, but rather because there were no conspiracies.