Kahlid Sheikh Mohammad

You've read about the 31 things Kahlid Sheikh Mohammad has confessed to, or at least the ones the government wants you to know about. But did you know that the vast right wing conspiracy is holding back on many more of KSM's confessions? I'll probably lose my double secret membership in the VRWC over this, but here are the other things that KSM confessed to:

1. I am the killer OJ is looking for.
2. I was the second shooter in Dallas.
3. I, with my blessed right hand, stole Al Gore ballots in Florida.
4. I am responsible for the disappearance of the Lindbergh baby.
5. I am responsible for the terrorist attack on the American people known as "Cop Rock."
6. I was responsible for the funding funnelled through George Soros which cursed the infidel with the sight of John Kerry on there TV's every day in 2004.
7. I am responsible for the poo on the floor that your pet really was innocent of.
8. I am responsible for the plot to may Clay Aiken the biggest pop star the planet has or ever will know.
9. I was responsible for the fan interference that caused the Chicago Cubs to melt down and blow a chance at the World Series.
10. I am responsible for the ascendency of Wisconsin Governor Jim Doyle.
11. I am responsible for that guy who will be peeing on your tire downtown on St. Patrick's Day.
12. I am responsible for planning Crystal Pepsi.
13. I am responsible-excuse me, my picture is responsible for the loss of sexual desire in millions of heterosexual American women and homosexual American men.
14. I'm the lyrical gangster, murderer.
15. I am the great pretender.