Cardinals gather for conclave

The Cardinals began their conclave today, and in a major surprise, white smoke was seen billowing towards the heavens by day’s end.

 

Reports filtering out are that the Cardinals have elected compromise candidate David Eckstein as the next Pope.

 

Late in the afternoon, with the conclave deadlocked over favorites Jim Edmonds and Albert Pujols, momentum began to build for compromise candidate Eckstein.  By dusk, white smoke was seen pouring out of the Cardinals dugout, and Eckstein was Pope.

 

Word out of the Gateway City is that Eckstein will assume the name Pope Stan Ozzie I.  Cardinal Manager Tony LaRussa has said the Pope will be starting at shortstop tonight against the Pirates.

 

(The above was satire.  If you aren’t a baseball fan, you probably don’t get it.)