Blitzen and Donner fail emissions test, Christmas canceled

This is too funny. I wish I had written it myself as a comedy piece.

REINDEER-drawn sleds have been slammed as environmentally unfriendly, because the carrot-munching animals produce the greenhouse gas methane in their wind.

Now Santa has been urged to ditch his sleigh team and start traveling on public transport to cut down on greenhouse gas emissions.

It has been calculated that Santa's team of nine reindeer would emit methane with a global warming impact equivalent to more than 40,600 tonnes of greenhouse gases on the 122 million mile Christmas Eve dash to deliver presents around the world.

Just think how quickly old Santa could make his journey if he harnessed all of those emissions into jet power. I'm not sure if the reindeer would be pleased with the retro-fitting process, though.

I do have good news for you kids out there. This only applies to Europe. Thankfully we never ratified Kyoto, or Santa's journey would be in trouble here, too. So that's you lesson for today, little ones: If you love Santa, tell your parents to oppose the Kyoto Global Warming Treaty.

Addition
While the above was all too real insanity from Europe, Iowahawk brings us a satirical look at Santa's surveilance decision:

The New York Times reported today that Polar authorities are engaged in a secret program to conduct warrantless monitoring of private communications and activities among U.S. minors. Anonymous sources within the State Department and Central Intelligence Agency said the program, codename "Operation Coal Lump," dates as far back as 1879, and recieved approval at the highest echelon of Polar administration, including President Santa Claus himself.

My sources tell me that the elf that leaked this story has a grudge against Claus.