Tuesday, December 11, 2007

A request to some of my fellow southern Wisconsinites

Hi all-

I'm sorry for being so blunt, but circumstances require it. If you are a stupid human being, please, just stay in your home today. Seriously. With all of this snow and ice, it is tough enough for everyone else who has to try get around safely. By going out, you are just endangering yourselves and everyone else as well. Again, my apologies for being so blunt, but I just saw way too many of you out there today. Some of you were in your cars, driving around in this mess with only about one square foot of your windshield cleared of snow. Others of you were driving without your headlights. Some of you were driving way too fast for conditions, while others of you were creating hazards by actually driving too slow for the conditions. Some of you weren't even driving. There was the Einstein who, on a hilly, unplowed street, backed out of his driveway and then decided to park his truck in the middle of the street to clear the snow off. I apologize for driving so close to you and your truck, but I couldn't stop or I'd still be there next to your truck. Then, further up the hill on the same street, there was the guy who was standing in the middle of the street for no reason. Well, I guess watching your wife shovel 6 inches of heavy snow is a reason, but it isn't a good one. I apologize for having to honk at you, but you sir are a dumb ass. Think of it this way-I saved you from having to help me dig my car out and push me up the hill. Frankly, I didn't really appreciate the dirty look you gave me for honking, nor did I appreciate your deliberately slow walk to your sidewalk. But hey, you didn't get hit by my car and I didn't end up with a dent, so I guess we both win, right?

I know there are others of you who are thinking about going out there. Don't do it. And if you are already out there and have to get home somehow, please, for the sake of everyone else out there, used that under utilized noggin' of yours, just for a little while. I and the rest of us in Southern Wisconsin thank you. You may even thank yourself when you don't have to call that tow truck to pull your dumb ass out of the ditch you went into because you went into that curve at 50 mph.


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