Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Tragedy at the North Pole! Christmas Cancelled!

Tragedy struck the North Pole today as global warming, caused by man, led to a miscommunication that saw the Canadian and Danish navies obliterate the base of operations for world renown Santa Claus.

The confusion began when the Navies for both nations detected a terribly powerful blast deep in the Arctic Circle. Canada and Denmark have been butting heads over claims to the Arctic ever since man made global warming began melting the ice, killing polar bears, and opening up potentially lucrative shipping lanes. After detecting the blast, both navies feared it was an opening salvo from the other and unleashed their full military fury on the site of the blast.

The tragedy of the situation did not become apparent until the smoke cleared. Scout teams were dispatched and discovered that the headquarters for Claus had been heavily damaged. Hundreds of dead and dying elves were scattered across the tundra. One dying elf who had witnessed the day's events reported a pop gun had accidentally discharged in the toy workshop. Experts believe that this pop gun, which approximates the strength of the strongest guns in both the Canadian and Danish navies, may have set off the terrible barrage.

Casualties are uncertain at this early hour. At least 300 hundred elves are estimated to be dead. No reindeer have yet been recovered but several fully charbroiled venison steaks have been sustaining first responders to the scene. Also, the two human residents, Mr. and Mrs. Claus, have not yet been accounted for. A spokeself for Claus, visibly shaken by the discovery of a red mitten still holding a cookie, announced that Christmas will be canceled this year, and asked that everyone pray for Claus.

Former American Vice President Al Gore immediately flew on his private jet to the scene. He is expected to make a speech later in the day to blame this on the evil man made global warming, Claus for his use of heavily polluting reindeer technology for travel, and George W. Bush.

(This is satire. For any of you kids out there that might stumble upon this, that means that none of the above is true. It is just a made up story used to amuse adults and to make a point. Christmas is on and Santa and his entire team are just fine).

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