Friday, March 17, 2006

Southern California on the Edge of Civil War

Special Correspondent to the AP

Backwoods, WI- Tensions are high today in Southern California as a third day of breakfastaerian violence continued in and near the state's Denny's restaurants.

Since Wednesday, three have died in violence apparently linked to factional frictions between supporters of the Grand Slam Breakfast and those loyal to Moons over My Hammy. Reports coming out of Southern California are that the tension began on Tuesday when a waitress, rumored to be a My Hammian, dropped a Grand Slam Breakfast in a Los Angeles area restaurant.

While only three deaths have been attributed to the violence so far, dozens have developed stomach discomfort. Officials are saying off the record that they fear this violence may spread to other factions, such as the Perkins Deli Ham and Lotsa Cheese-ites and the normally stable Sausage McMuffin with Egg-ians.

As Southern California descends into total chaos, critics have taken aim at California Arnold Schwarzenegger for not taking control of the situation.

"Southern California is at the brink of a disaster that could easily spread to other unstable breakfast states in the region," said French economist Claude Van Damme. "If the Governor and President Bush don't do something quickly, this could very well also extend into lunch."

Governor Schwarzenegger's office refused to comment on this story.

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